Diet Culture

TW: eating disorders

I have disordered eating habits. I’m not sure if it would be diagnosable as an eating disorder, but I know that my relationship with food hasn’t been healthy for as long as I’ve been in control of it.

My first introduction to eating disorders was probably in a book somewhere in middle school, or on TV, or something else. I don’t remember the first time I heard the word “anorexia.” But disordered eating slipped into my consciousness in a different, more insidious way, through “diet culture.”

Diet culture is the way we’ve built an entire economic space on finding the “right” way to eat, exercise, and most importantly, lose weight. It’s the way that you compliment someone, “Wow, you look like you’ve lost some weight” without thinking, but you would never point out if someone gained 20 lbs. Or if you did, it would be considered a huge social faux pas. It’s a part of the deeper social policing of bodies and appearances, but that’s something for another post. No one is immune to the effects of it.

The even more hurtful offshoot of diet culture is the pro-Eating Disorder communities that sprung up online. Members give cute names to their “friends” — Anorexia Nervosa is Ana, Bulimia is Mia. They help each other make and meet goals, usually unhealthy, if not physically impossible. They share “thinspo,” images of people so skinny their bones are protruding. Luckily, social media made an effort to keep those communities from spreading. On Tumblr, if you search specifically for certain common terms, you get an error message of sorts, advising you of helplines.

One thing that has been instrumental in my healing process (and it’s still in process, never done), is the idea of Intuitive Eating. I was accidentally introduced to it during my pregnancy, when I could occasionally eat certain things, and only the things I craved would stay down. I also had Hyperemesis Gravidarum, unrelated to my issues with food.

I found that I would crave things that worked together to ensure optimal nutrient absorption. I would crave steak and bell peppers (specifically from HuHot Mongolian Grill) — the iron in the steak was helped by the vitamin C in the peppers. The protein of the steak was complemented by the carbs in the peppers and other veggies, as well as the rice noodles, and the fat of the dressings.

Intuitive Eating is just one of my many tools, however. Since my mental health crises earlier in life, I’ve taken an active, holistic approach to mental health specifically (I’m still working on optimal physical health). For the record, it’s always a good idea to get professional help with any health issue, mental, physical, or otherwise, but I know as well as anyone that sometimes that’s not possible for many reasons, so this is what I’ve done and what I suggest to help others.

During the course of my treatment, I landed a Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis. Now, I thoroughly reject that, as the vast majority of my symptoms have resolved, which just doesn’t usually happen with personality disorders. But at the time, it taught me something valuable, that I had already had a bit of experience with through my first counselor — DBT.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy, according to Wikipedia, is an evidence-based psychotherapy that began with efforts to treat Borderline Personality Disorder. DBT has been proven useful in treating mood disorders, suicidal ideation, and for change in behavioral patterns such as self-harm, and substance abuse.

At its core, DBT is just about emotional regulation, using proven, research-based tools to change how you think about yourself, others, and situations you find yourself in. I think everyone could use specific tools, because a lot of us humans don’t have great coping mechanisms, whether or not we would be diagnosed with some sort of disorder. I specifically recommend the book linked above, and have a few apps I’ve used over the years that I’d love to share (let me know if you’re interested in those).

In case you couldn’t tell, I love DBT. But my larger point, as it relates to eating, is that for me, eating is a highly emotional situation, which requires active recognition of my motivations and the situation, which I couldn’t have had without DBT.

There are also ways to work through your emotions, with or without a professional, that aren’t so in depth. Journaling, for one. This is even better in tandem with a DBT mindset, but just feeling out your thoughts and emotions around food, with or without the framework is amazingly helpful.

Another is support groups, both online and in person. Being with other people who are dedicated to recovery from their problems can be super healing. That said, it’s important to recognize how that support group makes you feel about your process. Those pro-ED groups are “support groups,” but are terrible for doing any actual healing. So just spend some time lurking to make sure it’s a good fit for your goals and journey.

The most important part of any healing journey is love. Love for yourself. You will make mistakes along the way. If you have a current ED, you will probably relapse once or twice, or more. Don’t beat yourself up. I know, easier said than done. But so, so worth it. It’s always a process of loving myself more, but I know I do a million times better when I remember to be ok with making mistakes. You just have to pick yourself back up and try again. Also, make sure to surround yourself with love and support. People who won’t second guess your journey, or if they do, will support you anyway. Those relationships may or may not be easy to find for you, but they will be invaluable along the way.

Read about my past relationship with food, a memoir: Diet Culture: My Past

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