Questions on love and happiness in relationships

Something to reflect upon

Before you read this article, I’d like you to take a few mindful seconds to read through these four question. For many people these questions might relate to previous relationships that they are no longer in, or they may be directly linked to a current relationship.

1. What is one thing that your girlfriend/boyfriend/partner/wife/husband (past or present) does on a regular basis that makes you happy?

2. What is one outstanding thing they have done on a one-off basis that made you happy?

3. What does love mean to you?

4. What do you look for in a relationship?

Do the answers to these questions change over time, due to circumstances, mood, or self-development?

The following questions came to me without much thinking. I could perhaps have crafted more thought-provoking questions, or perhaps questions that would give a different insight. But these questions were sent on a whim to many of my friends, some of which I know intimately, others less intimately, and some of whom I haven’t connected with for a while. As a result, people have opened up to different degrees, and put different amounts of effort into answering these questions. What is most interesting, and my aim from asking these questions is the different interpretations, and the tremendous amount of differences in their answers.

For the scientists out there male (n= 11) female (n=10), married (n=3), engaged (n=2), in a relationship (n=5), single (n=11).

A: “I think just smiling at you and making you laugh is really important. Making you feel like you’re special or significant to them.”

At the end of this article I shall share my interpretations un-anonymously to all of my friends that have opened up to me and answered my questions. I actually found it very hard to form a consistent answer, as I had ideas coming in all directions, and I could answer the questions very differently but here are the answers I came to:

Question 1:

I think on a regular basis it’s the little things that show they care, that they know and understand you. For example, the simple act of making a cup of tea in the morning or recognising when I’m sad and need a hug. It’s about being there no matter what and sharing happy times together. In one of my previous relationships, my boyfriend used to write “I love you” and other messages on the shower or mirror, which I only noticed when I turned on the shower and It made me feel loved even when they weren’t there.

Question 2:

There’s a few very romantic or meaningful gestures I’ve received in previous relationships. The one that stands out the most was when I was in a long-distance relationship. I went to work knowing that they’d have travelled back home by the time I returned. But instead, after a long day of working outside in the harsh winter, I came home to a note on the door with arrows leading to the bath which was surrounded by lit candles. My boyfriend at the time was in the kitchen making one of my favourite dinners too. The emotions I felt still are still here years later even though I’ve moved on from the relationship. In a different relationship it’s been about someone being there when you really need them. I’ve had someone read me a story to fall asleep to when I was struggling, and such a selfless caring act made me feel immensely loved.

Question 3:

There are many different kinds of love, and I’ve definitely loved people in many different ways. You can love someone out of choice and put in the effort, but you can also fall totally in love with someone. When you fall in love you can feel the stimulation of dopamine receptors, it’s exciting and you want to get to know them better- but this level of stimulation is short-lived, and I’m not sure if it is true love or just infatuation. In a relationship sense it is about letting someone into your heart, not wanting to be with anyone else, genuinely wanting the best for them, and having a connection that isn’t easily broken. But no matter which type of love it is, it is about deeply caring and having an interest for someone, loving and accepting them for who they are.

Question 4:

I often find myself in a relationship when I’m not looking. So, I don’t seek anything in particular. I could list relationship ideals, but ultimately, it all depends on the person you are with; they will bring so many different, often unexpected and unforeseeable things into a relationship, that a list really does seem arbitrary. You know in your heart if it feels right, and if you and you make each other happy, that’s all that really matters.

Thank you to everyone who was read and answered the questions. I hope you learned something- I definitely did. The way in which people love and interpret love is so vastly different, and I think I will definitely consider that in the future. And recognising what makes other people happy is definitely someone you can incorporate into all of your relationships, be them friendly, with family or romantic. For anyone who wants to answer the questions please do so and share in the comments or PM me and I’ll add it anonymously to this article. If names were included in answers they have been changed to initials, and answers were very minorly edited for misspellings and grammar.

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